Meal preparation was revolutionized in our household four years ago when Judy subscribed to Cook Smarts, a weekly meal plan service. When we became empty-nesters, we settled into a dreary routine after work on weeknights that would go like this: Judy would ask “What do you want for dinner tonight?” and I would answer “Oh, I don’t know. What are the options?” After some back and forth we’d settle on the least worst option, which often consisted of pulling a frozen prepared meal out of the freezer and throwing it in the oven.
And then Judy discovered Cook Smarts, a venture started by Californian Jess Dang in 2012 with “a belief that the ability to cook simple and real food could contribute to a healthier, happier world”. Cook Smarts does more than create recipes, it teaches people how to cook through meal plans, instructional videos and online cooking lessons. (Check out this page for a review of Cook Smarts that I can wholeheartedly affirm.)
Each weekend, we plan our meals for the week ahead before setting out for the market and the grocery store to shop for the coming week. We adjust all the recipes to make four servings, which gives us enough leftovers to get through the week by making only two or three recipes. One week recently, we made Radish, Arugula and Goat Cheese Flatbread.
And then two nights later we made Za’atar and Panko Crusted Tilapia with Cumin Roasted Carrots and Chickpeas. (What the heck is za’atar you ask? We didn’t know either, but we discovered it is a blend of dried thyme, oregano, sumac and toasted sesame seeds that is commonly used in eastern Mediterranean cuisine. Cook Smarts has introduced us to some new flavours and ingredients but they are used over and over again, so the bottle of za’atar stays at the front of our spice rack.)
But perhaps the greater revolution in meal preparation has resulted from Judy and me synchronizing our work schedules so that we now almost always arrive home at the same time in the evening and are able to work together to prepare the evening meal. We both enjoy cooking, but in some regards we take different approaches to the process. I will measure all my ingredients with Martha Stewart-like precision, but Judy is more of a risk-taker. If the recipe calls for one tablespoon of lime juice, and she gets two tablespoons of juice from the lime, she’ll put it all in—because otherwise it would go to waste, and “lime juice makes everything taste better”. Judy likes to clean up as she goes along, while when I’m left alone in the kitchen the workspace will be littered with a variety of mixing bowls, whisks, wooden spoons and measuring spoons—none of which I am prepared to wash just yet because I might need to use them again.
I must confess, I do feel a momentary pulse of irritation when I reach for my mixing spoon to stir the vegetables I’m sauteing, only to discover it soaking in soapy dishwater in the sink. I could say something, but what would it accomplish? As I’ve said before, I’ve been told that the secret of a successful marriage is to leave one or two things “unsaid” every day. Instead, I grab another spoon from the drawer and carry on.
Couples in successful, long-term relationships concentrate on each other’s strengths and find ways to accommodate their differences.
Mine may be a trivial example of a deep and sometimes costly principle, but researchers have found that one of the traits of long-lasting marriages is the ability to live with the unchangeable. Judy and I find joy in preparing meals together, and it would be tragic to allow our deeply-ingrained personality differences (manifested in our conflicting approaches to the tasks at hand) to spoil the experience. Couples in successful, long-term relationships concentrate on each other’s strengths, “channelling energy they might have put into settling disputes into finding ways to accommodate the differences and enjoying the relationship.”
We sometimes hear one partner in a relationship say (when he’s become disillusioned with the other), “You’re not the person I thought I married.” After almost 38 years, I can scarcely remember who I thought I was marrying when I married Judy, but I am confident that the person she is and the relationship we enjoy is better than I ever imagined. There’s much more to our relationship than this one principle, but I think we’ve done a decent job of building on each other’s strengths and accommodating each other’s weaknesses.
To use another kitchen analogy, “make cookies with the ingredients you have”. (That’s how we recently ended up with a batch of Seeded Chocolate-Chip Oatmeal Cookies. I looked in the kitchen cupboard, saw pumpkin seeds, sunflower seeds and chia seeds, typed those terms into Google, and in seconds had a recipe. They were delicious!)
I recommend building intimate relationships with the positive elements on hand, rather than focusing on the attributes the other person is lacking. That seems to have worked for Judy and me for 38 years.
